i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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