My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
