Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
