I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
