it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Randomize
