i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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