i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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