I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
