You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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