I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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