It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
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Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
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I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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