Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
