Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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