Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
