You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
