I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
