Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
