Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
