I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Congratulations! We have a period
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
