Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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