He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
