friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
