just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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