I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Vodka?
Forever.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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