I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
