I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
