Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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