I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
