I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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