i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
