After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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