it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
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at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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