Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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