yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
