Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
