I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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