DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
