bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
