I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
