Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
