Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
