Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Terrible idea I love it
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