I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
