My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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