we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Randomize
