At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
