I think my vagina is haunted
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
