I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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