I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
