she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
