If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
