I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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