Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma