she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago