Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
false alarm. still invincible.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?