life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
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He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
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I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.