what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
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So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
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All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?