His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?