i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
