i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
