She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize