i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
