I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
