i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
