i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
