help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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