I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
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