so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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