lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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