my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
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I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
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"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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