i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
