I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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