I'm lost and stupid without you.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I think your dad took our porno
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Randomize
