so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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