i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
