she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
